CHANGING LANES… CHANGE YOUR LIFE…

and strong look invincible.
She walked with the Universe
on her shoulders and made it
look like a pair of wings.”
Ariana Dancu

I’m 44 at this moment and thought I would be a photographer for the rest of my life.  Although I can’t imagine a life without photography, it will not be my final occupation.  We are thinking of also teaching abroad in 2019.  This year we will prepare ourselves for this new adventure.

My daughter will be homeschooled by us and will become a world traveler.  I can not imagine any way I can give her more for her future than broadening her horizons and changing her from a listener to a broadminded individual.

Changing lanes.  Sometimes you are so caught in expectations. Maybe what you think of yourself, what your parents think of you or even what your spouse and children think of you.  And I know as an individual it sometimes feels very uncomfortable to acknowledge and differentiate between feelings/ insecurities and reality.

Life is to short to not change lanes every now and then.  Sometimes big lanes like moving abroad and changing your whole perspective on normal and sometimes it is the little lanes like deciding to put yourself out there and start writing a blog.

2018 is my year of changing lanes.  I am committed to change what I do not like, to follow my dreams even if its totally outside of my comfort zone, to not let the opinion of others influence my decisions.

I am a strong, independent woman with the audacity to change my own life!

Love

My Twilight Quest

My Girl the reader, thinker, artist and chef reading me a night time story

A million miles away from home

My “baby” is flying 11,230 km to reach China on Monday.  In mom language its a million miles.  I know I’m sending my son, to go do some going up and this is the last time he will be a boy.  In the past when he left for 2 weeks or a weekend I saw the changes in him.  How much difference will a year make?  Well he will be a young man, able to look after himself and make decisions that I will only be able to make suggestions on.

I knew this time was coming and did give the freedom to make choices this past year that I would have made when he was 17.  The difference is that I was close to fix stuff if something went terribly wrong.  Now I’ll be 11 230km away.

This letting go business is no fun.  I want him to knowI love you, I want you to have a great life, I will miss you every day, I can’t imagine a year without you, be save but take every opportunity, make mistakes and learn from them and You are an amazing son…

Love

My Twilight Quest

List maker, List maker… tell me your dreams. Bullet Journal

Being born in August makes me a Virgo, and according to the stars it makes me: Virgos are always paying attention to the smallest details and their deep sense of humanity makes them one of the most careful signs of the zodiac. Their methodical approach to life ensures that nothing is left to chance, and although they are often tender, their heart might be closed for the outer world.

From a very young age I chose books and pens over any other toys.  And to this day I will rather be hanging around in the stationary shop than in the clothing and shoe shops. The attention to detail part only come in to play in my photography.  In general I am more introverted without my camera than most.  I love being by myself, but I love people too.  So writing this blog is one of the ways I try and put myself out there. Journaling is used to organise all the stuff in my head that I don’t necessarily want to share with someone else.

And since I left school I bought a new year planner/ diary every year and it never really felt like home…

So when I learned about the bullet journal on youtube, I was hooked.  After 2 months mine is not at clean and cute as the ones I’ve seen, but it is so totally me and really changed the way I organise stuff in my life.  I write, paint, draw, make a list for everything and glue stuff in.

I’m already planning on my next journal that most probably will be a DIY Travelers Journal. I have this very old leather cover my father made me and I would love to repurpose it into something I can use on a daily basis. If you are not familiar with the Travelers Journal Craze think Bullet Journal / Scrapbook and Diary on steroids.  Maybe I’ll do a “page trough” when I have it finished and this could be my first Youtube video on my channel.

If you haven’t tried it have al look at the video on the journal that started it all.

STAYING IN CONTROL?

“Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.”
Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

Yes, so yesterday could a have gone better… I was in control of my day for the first few hours and then…

As you know my son is in Pretoria applying for his Visa on Wednesday by appointment.  Yesterday at 15:00 he call to say he left his Passport at home.  Control LOST.  I turned into my mother in a matter of seconds, “but I asked you if you had the passport twice before we reached the bus!” Ok so I must admit my very first reactions was, “Your joking, right?”

After a 5 min rant. Me channeling my inner “my mom” and him just staying calm and taking it like a trooper, saying how sorry he is every time I take a breath.  I rushed to Postnet to see if I could get his passport to him his morning before 9:00.  If you ever wondered about this, yes you can.  For R400 you can have a package sent locally overnight and have it delivered at dawn. I know but I’m usually totally laid back and opt for the deliver it any time tomorrow.

It took me about an hour to work trough the “I don’t care and he is suppose to go out on his own to a different country in a week.  How on earth will he survive” rant.  Then I phoned him talking with my own voice, back in control of my afternoon.  I could tell him its fine, be save and I love you.  In the end that is all that matters.

Love

My Twilight Quest

 

WALKING TOWARDS YOUR DESTINY

Last night my son got on the bus to travel to Pretoria and get his visa that will start his journey into adulthood.  Talking to him while we waited for the bus to show about what he can expect when traveling, what to look out for and general observations me and his stepdad made while traveling.  He was just like uhu, uummm, and I’ll remember.

The last thing I heard him say as he was walking to the bus was “Yessss”, as a beautiful young lady was spotted in the bus.  Watching as he disappeared into the bus I had to face some facts.

  1. He is not walking away from me, he is walking towards his destiny.
  2. It’s not the one leaving that feels the pain the most, it’s the one that stay behind.
  3. He will arrive in China and think of the people at home in a fleeting way.. and sometimes miss us terribly.  But, I will think of him every day, and miss him everyday.  Because I walk past his room, I see his friends in town, I know what he would have said in certain situations and most of all I’ll miss his presence in the house.
A little bit of nature to get me trough the day

I could not be more proud of him and I pray that I’ll be around to see the what he accomplish in his life.

Sidenote: My daughter decided to color her hair green for the holiday, and woke me by jumping on me this morning.  I can only thank God for giving me a daughter that knows what I need.  More about her later.

Love

My Twilight Quest

YOU CAN ONLY BE THE BEST MOM YOU CAN BE…

“Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age the child is grown and puts away childish things. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.”
– Edna St. Vincent Millay

Today Monday the 27th November 2017 marks the day my first born son will be writing his last exam in school. Looking back I can not believe that I’m now the lady contemplating “empty nest syndrome”.  Luckily I still have one baby in the house.

My son started his life on 2 May 1999 on a Sunday afternoon. Even with me making all the possible “#mistakes” he turned out this great young man. He was brought into this world kicking and screaming with the help of an emergency Caesarean section – how did we ever bond. I breast fed him for a while and then he started drinking bottle – another bonding opportunity missed. He suffered from Asthma (we live in one of the driest parts of South Africa) all his live up until about his 7th birthday. When he was 4 his dad and and me decided to go our separate ways – now he will be scared for life for sure…

And this brings me to my point: You can only be the best mom you can be. I am by no means perfect or in control of everything that happens in my sons life. BUT I do the best I can to guide him to be the best he can be.  This I feel is my job as a mom, I need to be his mom, not his friend.  Friends come and go, but I need him to KNOW that I’m there, sometimes with a shared joke, sometimes with guidence and sometimes to listen without judgement.

Today as I watched him walk trough the School gates for the very last time as a student, I only felt pride in who he became.  He is leaving South Africa to teach in China in two weeks.  So sometimes being a mom is letting go and giving him all the opportunities possible to be the best person he can be.  To give him the freedom to follow his own path and make his own choices.

Me and my husband will be here for him always.  And even when we meet in other countries, we will be home.  We will share the rest of our lives with him.

Love

My Twilight Quest